Entering 4th Year as a 3rd Year Student
Originally written Sep 15, 2022
I just finished up my first week of third year today, and it’s been a bag of mixed feelings. I haven’t been in the classroom since early 2020, and it’s been over a year since I’ve been on campus (re: gap year). It’s been strange to take a variety of 2nd, 3rd, and 4th year classes as I try to stay on track with my module; there are so many unrecognizable faces around me.
In the past 2-3 weeks, there have been two main sources of internal conflict:
1) The Past
a) Gap Year Decision
One of the biggest decisions I made in university was to not do Ivey. This was mainly because:
I felt that you could gain the so-called “Ivey network” without joining Ivey.
I wanted more flexibility to take courses that I could actually learn from instead of coasting through courses that have been dictated for me
I wanted to trust my gut that the pipeline industries of consulting or finance were not for me. Even though Ivey opens doors, sometimes, narrowing down your problem scope (or in this case, target career paths) can allow for one to have more dedicated job hunt efforts.
In some industries, like tech, they don’t care as much about your school name (especially if you’re not from America) but rather the type of degree (e.g. CS vs. business).
Both Ivey and non-Ivey have students from diverse backgrounds, but I wanted to expose myself to diverse mindsets beyond the “Ivey bubble.”
I didn’t particularly love the way 2257 was taught nor the proposed class schedule start times for Ivey (aka 8am everyday).
b) Program Decision
Sometimes, returning from this gap year really feels like I’m in first year again. Not only having to make new friends, but also just questioning if Western and business were the right choices for me. Afterall, the CS program at Waterloo seems so lucrative, right?
2) The Future
a) Relationship —> The Spoke
In order to fund a return trip to Korea as soon as possible to visit my boyfriend there, I took up a part-time job (also needed to improve the deficits in my bank account). I’ve never worked service or retail industries, but one of the fast-food places at school was hiring, and I decided to apply on the whim. I’m currently working as a line cook, meaning that I help to put together the ingredients and dishes.
b) Job/Career
As someone who sees the world as full of possibilities, I’m often stuck in decision paralysis, overthinking and doubting my own choices at times. Although I know what I want aim at for Summer 2023 internships, recruiting still feels like a black box to me at times. It’s hard to feel like I’m making progress during the job hunt.
Unexpected Outcomes:
The Joys:
Moved into a house with 4 other people, only one of which I knew prior. The house actually feels very warm, and while I’m not crazy BFFs with my other housemates, we are all chill, and I love coming home to them. I never felt like I strongly belonged at Western, but I’m thankful to have found some peace at home with my housemates.
Finding daily joy and solitude in cooking up new dishes. I can feel myself improving on my cooking skills, whether it be eyeing a recipe I somewhat recall my mom doing or applying the techniques and knowledge I learned from work.
Receiving calls and texts from my boyfriend at random, no matter how short they may be. Since he’s in the military right now, communicating with him is difficult because he isn’t allowed to use his phone that often. It’s honestly been hard at times, but I’ve learned to cherish the small bits of communication that much more. I’m also learning to self-soothe and grow even more independently so that our relationship is even better when we get things back on track.
Returning back to London and a familiar environment. While the people at Western don’t give me a sense of belonging, the campus does. From the University Community Centre basement where I spent hours dancing every week in first year to the hill I would sit and picnic on during second year, I actually enjoy the atmosphere created by Western’s buildings. London’s food is also not terrible.
Going easy on myself while slowly easing back into the grinds — school, career, personal development. I’m setting my boundaries better than ever this year, and I’m paying more attention to where I spend my time and energy. I’ve become hyper-conscious of not over-chewing my plate (even though my interests still span a great spectrum) because I want to carve out more time, energy and space for myself. I often discounted a need for self-care in previous years, but I’m trying to keep myself as a priority.
Having no regrets about Korea. Even though my bank account is crying right now and it stresses me out sometimes, I can reasonably hope that future Sammi will be looking back at exchange fondly. I’ve done most things that one could do in Korea, and I learned more about the places I travelled to.
I’m coming back to school with a rejuvenated mindset that seeks to apply what I learned from working 8 months, studying abroad, and travelling in South East Asia. I’m able to recognize concepts that I directly worked with during the prior year, such as data analytics or strategic management.
The Bittersweet:
I sought out to genuinely learn in my courses this year, so I picked all my courses based on topic interest rather than professor rating or level of ease. As a result, many of my courses have actually left my brain fried as I realized how much work I’ll have to put in for each course. While this initially set off panic reactions in me and a scramble to swap courses before the deadline, I have to remember that growth sometimes involve pain. I’m being stretched out of my comfort zone, and this is where the true learning will happen (just like how the courses in Korea challenged me a bit).
I realized I have so much work to do for recruiting. As I came back from Korea and imposter syndrome started kicking in again, I realized how I never felt that I truly “grinded” during the last 2-3 years. Somehow, the job hunt was relatively smooth-going. I never felt that I was grinding cases or Leetcode 24/7. Although this could indicate a work-life balance and possible “work smart” mindset, I realized that sometimes, putting your head down to get the work down was necessary (aka the necessary evils of working hard). Even if I don’t grind recruiting prep 24/7, it would help make me feel more confident in my abilities and set me up for success if the right opportunity came by. I realized a lot of it was self-elimination — it was hard to see the immediate impacts of such prep — as well as a mis-alignment in ideal preparation strategies. I learn best from people, not audiobooks nor courses. Yet, dating my boyfriend who exemplifies perseverance and doing my new part-time job has illuminated to me that diligence is a trait I need to work on more. I can’t simply rely on bursts of energy like I used to.
I’m still not sure if the girl in Korea was me. Sometimes it feels like me and sometimes it doesn’t. The more I recall my memories, the more it feels like they’re getting distorted. Did I really travel to Korea and do all those things? How do I amalgamate who I was in Korea and who I was in Canada before going on exchange? How can I better highlight how this opportunity makes me different from other candidates?
MOS courses. I’m increasingly realizing how Ivey could have surrounded me with great minds from which I could feel inspired by. My current program will definitely take more work to recruit from at times, but it’s perhaps the effort of needing to put in more energy that will pay off in the long run.
The Sorrows:
Seasonal mood disorder hits hard sometimes (or at least, that’s what I think it is). Sometimes, I feel down and just want to stay in bed all day. Going to the gym, spending time with loved ones, or dancing with a team has helped, but some days do be really hard.
Lost time. I wish I prepared better during the summer because it seems like third year is prime recruiting season for internships in preparation for full-time. Although I wasn’t in the right mindset back then, there’s always ways I could have and continue to have to do better.
Goal-setting. Having had so many ideas in my head, I still need to organize and put them together into a coherent vision that I want for my long-term future. If I want a house or a car, I have to start saving now. I also need to consider exit and growth opportunities at different firms before signing for full-time next year.