Post-Exchange Reflection
In front of Yonsei University, my exchange school. Circa June 2022.
During these last few weeks, everything was a blur as I wrapped up finals and tried to complete the remainder of my bucket list. Yet, that’s not unlike the rest of exchange. To be honest, I can’t quite remember what I did during exchange – most days were a blur, even though I do remember some highlights. Amidst this blur, I find it important to reflect on the shifts in my perspectives, dispositions and aspirations. Hence in this blog post, I’ll circle back to answering some of the questions I had for myself before exchange as well as some additional ones I think it’d be helpful to answer post-exchange.
1. How has my perspective changed from day-to-day? From month-to-month? Overall?
I recall seeing this one W-shaped graph during pre-exchange training, and I think it really struck true for me. One of the main reasons why I came to Korea (and why I needed to do it now rather than in 4th year) was to test my hypothesis about if I wanted to work in Korea or not. Of course, my other reasons for coming to Korea included a passion for the overall culture, a longing desire after my first trip here 3 years ago, and a desire to intentionally break away from the confines of the traditional path to make sure I’m making choices that are authentic to what I want (not what society shapes me into).
During the first two months of exchange (February & March), I wasn’t sure how I felt about the answer to my hypothesis. I felt that it was too early to devise a conclusive answer. As a bit more time passed, I first felt that the North American systems for education and work were better – less alcohol-induced after parties, more focus on experience rather than grades or school names (or at least in the tech industry), and less mandates regarding graduate degree requirements for new grad jobs.
The next phase was realizing that I didn’t want to work in Korea but rather study in Korea instead. I was encapsulated by the communities I encountered at Yonsei and was eager to continue interacting with amazing individuals. For some odd reason, I felt a greater sense of community at Yonsei than I did at Western. Perhaps it’s Western’s ABG stereotype, or the mere fact that I’m always surrounded by people who look like me at Yonsei, but the communities I joined here (such as debate clubs and dance clubs) have embraced me fully for who I am and have pushed me to grow not in spite of that but rather complementary to that.
During my final days at Yonsei and currently while wrapping up exchange, my perspective shifted from achievements-oriented to people-focused. As I had already achieved over 80% of my “must do”s from my Korea bucket list, anything more than that became a cherry-on-top rather than a life-or-death item. Throughout the course of exchange, I realized more and more how much people and stories mean to me – the people make the places and the memories special, and I love sharing and listening to stories. As I sometimes say, it’s not WHAT you do that matters but rather WHO you do it with. Life will have its wins and losses, but the last thing I want to be doing is to be playing a game I never wanted to play with people I never wanted to play with.
Subsequently, my final perspective on working in Korea has reached a point where I don’t think I’d mind it. I certainly won’t seek it as actively as I did in first and second year, and it probably isn’t a primary goal anymore, but I wouldn’t mind it if the opportunity came along with a globalized organization to move to Korea and work for a bit. At first, I was conflicted about the whole wanting to study-but-not-work here type of thing, but I’m able to find some solace in the fact that, even if I don’t work or study here, I can always come back to the comfort of knowing that I will always have good friend(s) here. Whether it’s from dance club, sharehouse, or random group chats, a part of me now lives here, and it always will. While it was only 4 short months of my (hopefully long) lifespan, I’ve done so much here that it feels like I’ve been here for years. The routines I established, the friendships I’ve nurtured, the adventures I’ve cherished…I built myself an identity, community, and home here such that a part of me will always remain here.
In terms of changes in my self-perspective, I don’t think there was a drastic 180 degree change (because I already knew my values and philosophies coming into exchange) but rather a deepening of my understanding of who I am at the core. Through trying various activities (whether it be developing a breadth of new experiences like surfing and rug making, or developing my depth in dance skills), I’ve learned so much about the malleability of human capabilities in achieving whatever we want as long as one is willing to fail to learn. I learned that my inner self (perhaps rooted in my inner child) is a curious person who simply wants to learn many different things. I like challenging myself to explore what I haven’t seen before because I know that I’ll always come out stronger in the end. Notably though, this has resulted in a bit of a career crisis where I’m not sure what jobs would allow me to maximize these traits of curiosity, passion, and courage.
In terms of how my friendships have changed here: although I met more people as time passed, the actual range of who I hung out with and considered my "close friends" just narrowed. It went from 8+ close friends, to 3-4 main ones, to 2 people that I hung out with in my final days. A variety of factors can be attributed to this: people finding significant others, myself prioritizing my significant other, the difficulties of arranging schedules if it's a large group dynamic instead of a 1-on-1 friendship… This is something that, prior to exchange, I was scared of. Heading into exchange, I sought for both high quality and high quantity of friendships because I love meeting new people and getting to know others' stories. However, when I recognized this emerging pattern near the end of exchange, it was something I accepted with relief and appreciation rather than something I fraught over with anxiety. I'm grateful that I'm leaving with a few strong relationships (and other not-as-close friends that I will still cherish in my heart). In this crazy world, to have met people who share similar desires for growth and levels of ambition is quite a difficult thing. To have achieved these deep friendships required necessary tradeoffs in prioritizing some friends over others, and I'm okay with that.
At some point in exchange, I realized that I had a lot of conflicting goals: I wanted to genuinely learn from my courses while travelling around Korea while also developing my dance skills and making new friends. All these goals compete for my time, energy, and mental space. Exchange was definitely an extreme test of “work hard, play hard” balance. But I think that, in the end, everything worked out how it was supposed to. I travelled a lot in the first few months when I could (Feb and Mar) and focused on dance when I could (May and June). While I definitely haven't spent much of my time with my nose in the books and learning the maximum capacity of what I could have through exchange courses, I'm thankful to have some main takeaways from these courses. In this busy world where we are often caught up in chasing grades rather than pure learning through courses, I'm thankful that I even have just one takeaway as opposed to none. I took these courses to further who I am as a person, and it has succeeded in doing that. Namely, through the Eastern philosophy course, I learned how I should sometimes chill with the scheduling so that I can take opportunities as they arise. Afterall, we tend to take on many opportunities at once to not lose out, but what about the future? In order to be an adaptable person, or go with "the way" as Taoism puts it, one must be okay with emptiness not meaning nothingness but rather something that is "full of potential." Furthermore, although some of my biggest takeaways came from the philosophy course (because I'm better at retaining and applying abstract concepts rather than historical facts), I still have a couple other takeaways from my other courses. Through scuba diving class, I learned how my passion for water sports actually has a limit – although it was fun to try the novel scuba diving, I realized it was too much of a risk for me to pursue it further. Through my Korean history course, I learned not only about Korean history but also Chinese and Japanese history. I came to understand a bit more about Korea's sentiments following the war and the feeling of "han" from constantly being invaded. More importantly, I came to understand how these big three East Asian countries have different notions of nationalism. Through my business strategy course, I solidified how my strengths lie more in high-level thinking than detailed decisions. Also, while I learned more through speaking with Korean locals than in my Korean course, I was able to make a great friend from the course. I also learned how study groups are more effective for me than I thought. Through my philosophy and history study groups, I was able to absorb information more quickly and effectively compared to if I just sat and read the textbooks.
Overall, I think exchange was a worthwhile pursuit that not only helped me answer my most urgent hypothesis but also allowed me to fully leverage the freedom and independence of youth. I maximized it as much as I could by focusing on people and experiences with a mix of both touristy and local activities. I travelled in a variety of settings – in the countryside, in big cities, with groups, with friends, with my significant other, all alone… Although my wallet is crying, I can say with relative confidence that I have no regrets about this experience. If I had to list out some regrets, my only minor regrets would be: 1) categorizing map bookmarks under type of place (e.g. “Seems Interesting,” “Seems Popular”) when I should’ve nicknamed them based on what’s memorable from each (e.g. "matcha ice cream,” “fish roe rice”), and 2) not tracking where my money went. In regards to #2, although I entered with the mindset of wanting to afford whatever I wanted because “when else would I be in Korea again,” I wish I tracked where my money went so that I could ensure my spending patterns aligned with what gives me maximum satisfaction (e.g. experiences rather than cafe foods). If I tracked my spending, at least I would be an informed purchaser rather than recklessly buying whatever I wanted (which led to a couple impulse purchases).
2. How has my need for control been changed/influenced?
I think my need for control has definitely decreased. As for trip planning, it would literally be impossible to pre-plan all the trips I made to other cities because I didn’t have time nor energy to deal with the logistics beforehand. For most of my trips, I didn’t start researching until I was actually on the trip. I learned to trust in myself to work things out as they have in the past. As for professional aspirations, it was (and still is) weird to take a sort of “sabbatical” from the uni life to pursue this crazy haze dream. I definitely feel FOMO sometimes seeing others work on their careers while I seem to mainly be playing halfway across the world. However, at this point, I’ve sort of shrugged it off as a rejuvenation period for me to come back and grind even harder. This period of my life was a crucial pivot point, and once I decide my direction, I will dive head-first towards that. Lastly, as for my romance life, rather than “control” per say, I learned to be less anxious regarding my fear of abandonment. By being open with him about my insecurities, fears, and history, we were able to better navigate possible trigger points and approach problems with more understanding perspectives.
3. How does it feel to be a remaining lone wolf after many have left before me?
To be honest, now that I’m travelling solo after everyone has left, it still hasn’t fully hit me that exchange has ended. I’m still in Korea, and I’m still immersed in the culture. However, I remember that during the transitory period between everyone leaving and me going on this solo trip, I felt like I was mentally disassociating from Korea. I would pass by the same places where I made memories with exchange friends, such as their rooms or nearby restaurants, but it wouldn’t feel the same. It seemed like only their ghosts and these fictious memories were all that was left; I almost didn’t want to be here anymore — not without the people that mattered most to me. Does it hurt more to be the person leaving or to be the person left behind? I’m not quite sure. Thankfully, as the end of exchange is still quite recent, everyone is keeping in touch, so the actual core of our friendships haven’t changed that drastically. Although, I’m sure that as individuals grow in different directions in the future, some friendships will naturally stay and others will fade out.
My good friend Frankie Li from exchange shared similar sentiments and put it in a poetic way:
“So many places signaled the beginning and the end, a juxtaposition on naivety and remorse — a feeling so unique to study abroad."
— on the disassociation and feelings of places, by Frankie Li
The bittersweet irony is that, you leave everything behind in your home country (e.g. Canada) to come to Korea, and when you return, you leave everything from Korea behind — scattered in various places such that it can’t be properly re-collected — to go back to the place your once deserted.
4. What were the highlights of your exchange experience?
Although I kept a travel journal to document shifts in my mental and emotional states, I ended up not writing in it during April and May. But I guess that’s what makes the journal true to my experience — to me, the journal mainly served as a safe place for me to dump quickly-incoming, drastically-changing thoughts. Since I wasn’t able to have much down time in April or May due to dance commitments, the journal is thus a genuinely representative account of my mental state; gaps in the journal reflect periods of time during which I wasn’t able to reflect much.
Off the top of my head, the highlights that I can remember is probably less than two handfuls worth: surfing, the married couple who hosted our Airbnb in Pohang, rug making, Joseon-style pottery painting, Han River date, the first time I explored Ikseon-dong, rollerskating, paragliding, pre-exchange Busan and Yeosu trips. That’s 9 things out of who-knows-how-many. I’ll only fully remember everything I did once I look back on the photos and videos, but to be honest, I’m kind of avoiding that right now. I’m afraid of all the sadness and grievance that’s to come. Yet, I won’t force myself to remember every single moment and day by heart because naturally, the days that kept me most fulfilled were the ones I remember without trying.
5. Was it helpful to have a bucket list? How much of it did I actually complete?
It was definitely helpful to have a bucket list. In beginning, it served as a sort-of sketchbook for me to document all my ideas, but near the end, it served as a reminder for me to try new things even as I settled into certain routines. More than just a regular bucket list however, it was helpful for me to colour-code and sort items into “must-do” vs. “nice-to-have.” Prioritization of items was key. My sorted bucket list can be found here. I probably completed 90-95% of it.
6. How did I find so many ideas for things to do? How did I actually schedule and book them?
I sourced my ideas from a variety of sources, mainly Instagram, Naver blogs, Naver maps (search for 체험 or 원데이클래스), or travel websites (e.g. Trazy, Airbnb, TripAdvisor). Usually, my preferred way of booking would be to call them and inquire in (broken) Korean, but sometimes, if they had the option enabled, I could book on their website or the maps app (Naver bookings). In general, I remained open to trying anything and everything, and naturally, opportunities just came along.
7. What will I miss from Korea?
For now, what I know I will miss from Korea for sure is:
public art everywhere (e.g. subway stations, sculptures on the roads, etc.)
pretty flowers
random cats
true convenience of convenience stores
deliciously flavoured peach ice teas
this uber-adventurous spirit
advanced map functions
the people I met here
plethora of dance opportunities
8. What do I take for granted in Canadian culture?
bomb-ass international food
knowing where the good food spots are
freedom to wear tank tops
being able to understand cautionary road signs and text messages without having to use a translator app
public trash cans
no foreign exchange fee (rip)
9. What did I learn about Korean culture that I most identify with? Did I learn anything new? Did anything surprise me?
What I most-identify with in Korean culture:
MBTI as a framework for understanding others
commitment-focused relationships
work hard play hard culture
fashion styles (to some degree)
makeup styles (more pink tones)
passion for music (e.g. plethora of entertainment events)
foodie-driven culture
Things that I learned and/or were surprising:
daechi-dong —> an area of Seoul where the rich and affluent live; it’s where most uni kids go to tutor kids for income
instagram-driven culture —> even guys here know how to take good pics + there’s always setups in restaurants or in public for you to take cute pics
cheap wisdom tooth removal surgeries—> it costed me around $100 to take out my back left molar (s/o to Korean national health insurance)
excessive verification procedures —> security apps, security number cards, personal identification cards, phone number, etc.; the variety of information you must have at hand to buy something online here is insane
identity = cell phone num —> when people said Korea is the city of connectivity, they weren’t joking…you’re required to use your cell phone number for almost everything here, from restaurant reservations, to shopping online and more
party rooms > MTs —> I came here wanting to participate in a “MT,” or overnight trip, with extracurricular clubs like I saw in K-dramas, but I didn’t expect the reality, which was that most groups simply rent a “party room” in Seoul (a decorated space for multiple people to drink and eat till dawn)
after-party locations —> I joined three different clubs, but I swear they all went to the same place (구이 마을) to celebrate post-events LOL
requirements to view grades —> I’m not sure if this is exclusive to Yonsei, but we were asked to fill out course evaluation surveys after midterms and again after final exams as a pre-requisite to view our grades
bank transfer system —> in Canada, we use Interac e-transfers through email, but in Korea, everyone exchanges bank account numbers (9+ digits) to transfer money
study cafes —> you can pay for a certain amount of time to have peace and quiet at a dedicated study space…some places even have massage chairs or free food available