2022: A Year in Reflection
Another crazy year has come and gone. Looking back, sometimes the beginning of 2022 feels like ages ago, and at other times, it seems like it was just yesterday.
From January to February, my months were filled with excitement and naivety at the prospect of my Korea adventures. My eyes lit up every time I heard of a new potential adventure in Korea – from skiing to rafting and traditional crafts, it all made its way to my bucket list.
From March onwards, it was as if I was supercharged with an engine and a numbness to money – I just wanted to do as much as I could, try everything out there, and make the most of the experience. Sometimes I was drained, but at other times, I was more energized than anything. From surfing in ice cold water to building custom rugs for hefty prices, I was optimizing for only one metric: fun.
Looking back, this was quite an unrealistic period of my life. It was literally a haze dream to focus each and every day on what the next adventure would be. I wish I had taken more time to simply enjoy each moment as it was – to breathe and enjoy my own presence rather than view empty slots in my schedule as an inability to have a “full” experience. Soon before I knew it, I would be thrown back into the realities in life that you can’t just chase every whimsical interest without a care for money or long-term consequences.
May to June marked days filled with dance practices, and while I’m thankful, this was one of the biggest points of grief when I returned from Korea. To see the friends I had made in Korea carry on in their lives without me, to see the stages they performed on that I could have performed on if I lived in Korea in an alternate life. At times, I really contemplated uphauling my life over to Korea, and I wish I had trained harder in dance while I was there.
From mid-July to mid-August, it marked a period of exhausting travel; all the trips I took were exploratory yet (eventually) exhausting. I realized that the Digital Nomad life might actually not be for me because of how tiring it gets to figure out where you’re going to sleep from day to day and to pay for your meals all the time. I realized that, despite my initial hesitancy to admit it to myself, money and stability matter more to me than I thought.
Returning back to school from September onwards, I was still recovering from fatigue. Acquaintances and friends alike often asked me how Korea was when they met me for the first time in a while. To their surprise, I was overjoyed to return to the stability of routine and familiarity in London. I wasn’t able to appreciate it as much before, but London had a certain comfort to it, perhaps because it provided an environment where I could enjoy my own presence and hang out with friends while catching down time when I wanted.
To be honest, rather than saying that exchange marked a huge change in me, I would say that the post-exchange period was more significant in challenging who I was. As I lost myself and was forced to find myself again, I had to decipher which beliefs and mindsets I had in the past that weren’t conducive to who I was or who I wanted to be. I was forced to be brutally honest to myself and come to terms that maybe I wasn’t working as hard as I could. That my potential was large (as I discovered in Korea), but I’m underutilizing it by coasting through opportunities or not diving deep enough in my learnings.
From then, I worked on my habits and mindset from mid-November to December. I was largely guided by this one quote from Atomic Habits that my friend sent me; it gave me courage and trust that I was growing by working on myself, albeit slowly. And I saw the changes. I started saying no to more things to protect my time for things that were for me. I dropped some jobs and communicated my boundaries more clearly. I tried my best to save a failing relationship and ended it when it was time to go. I also started picking up reading as a habit for enjoyment (which I hadn’t done since elementary school) and became conscious of how I was pairing my habits.
Before I knew it, it was working. I could see it through external factors such as the job applications I heard back from, but more importantly, I could FEEL it within me that I was growing, changing, and truly becoming more conscious.
I would say that one of the biggest changes I made was the ability to own up to my actions and truly re-focus on myself. With my previous breakup, I was able to regurgitate quotes of focusing on myself, but with this recent one, I realized I need to convince MYSELF. The small promises that I had made to myself weren’t that small after all – everytime I resisted checking his social media accounts was a boost in confidence of my ability to re-focus on myself.
2022 had been a year where I set out to “let go of people, places, and things that no longer serve me,” and I’m happy to report that I did just that. I ended relationships, let go of money (a little too much), and in return, I’m in a place in life where I feel like change is actually happening.
Notably, one of the biggest shifts this year came from who I surrounded myself with. I had met amazing friends from exchange who inspired me to work harder and reflect even deeper. I worked on thinking faster on the spot by joining two debate clubs. I was challenged to work harder in both creative and analytical spaces by old friends who do it both. I met so many people who work so hard in their respective domains, and it inspires me to get clear on my strengths to hone them too.
For 2023, I had been thinking for the past month what my motto should be. I’ve decided that, rather than having a set motto, there’s a couple principles I want to live by in 2023:
Active experimentation → I want to try more and fail more. Try harder and reach higher heights but also just fail as badly. Failure is a sign that I tried, and at least I won’t regret having tried (rather than staying stagnant).
Ambiguity → There’s always going to be unanswered questions, but what’s important is prioritizing what you need right now and in the near future. To spend not just your money but your time wisely. To shape yourself while remaining open to unexpected opportunities that might pop up along the way. To trust in having the systems in place to deal with whatever comes up.
Re-centering on myself → Stability and reassurance are special things that only fulfill you if it’s from yourself. In realizing this, I hope to remember in the new year that anytime I’m struggling with something, I should focus on my internal needs and reframe my mindset to believe in myself with compassion while encouraging myself to live a better life for my own sake.
Who knows what 2023 will bring, but for now, I know I’m more ready than ever to take it on. I’m excited for what’s to come while trying to enjoy the last of these moments of 2022. Here’s to another year of growth, reflection, and connection. See you in 2023! :)
A few highlights in 2022:
winter surfing in busan
dancing on the streets of korea!
dance battling on stage at a korean music festival
pre-exchange quarantine phase + pre-exchange trips to busan and yeosu
biking up hills to reach the golden gate bridge!
performing on o-week stage, again
visiting the kdrama filming site of one of my fav kdramas, “Mr. Sunshine”
riding motorcycles and staying in a homestay in northern vietnam
meeting new and old friends around the world !!
training in all sorts of dance classes in korea